When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
operation have a gay friend backfired
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
