My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
