Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
