Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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