I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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