you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
