she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is classic penis vs brain.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
