I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
