You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
