I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize