we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
