I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
