saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Randomize
