I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
