i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
