Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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