Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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