just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
