there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
