Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
