who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
