I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
