i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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