I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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