I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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