Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
