...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
