Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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