You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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