I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
