a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are we still banned from the library?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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