we're chasing vodka with high fives
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
