Heybabeimwearingurpanties
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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