you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
