whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
