Grow some girl-balls and come out already
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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