Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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