My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
