I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
