somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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