I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
