can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
