My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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