I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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