I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
