My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
