my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize