Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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