covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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