dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
