READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
