my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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