Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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