i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
