found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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