C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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