May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
