I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
