I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
