I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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