I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
