she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
