She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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