the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
