My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
