I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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