i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
