so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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