it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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