mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
