I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
